If anybody could do it they can. I can still feel my ponytail being pulled by Sister David Joseph when I was in the second grade.

Ya gotta hear the duck hunting story.

These are all real postings and ads in papers and websites:

•Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

•Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

•I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

•I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

•Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

•PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

•Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

•I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

•This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

•So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

•Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

•My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

•Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
•I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

•I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

•Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

truth.

I live in Harris county. Not sure how folks are going to keep those bananas on their faces, but I want to see!

Look up misspelled tattoos.

Here is a really good example.

It's Ground Hog Day number 49!

Coronavirus Rhapsody. Based on Bohemian Rhapsoday.

Probably true....

Yes, I remember drying my hands on the continuous towel. Even as a kid I thought it was dirty, but it was what we had sometimes.