The Comedy Club----Post Funny Pictures and Jokes

[MissS]

I found a great cat dish!

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[GoDawgs]

How the heck did they get the cat to stay there through the decoration? Amazing!

[ddsack]

How the heck did they get the cat to stay there through the decoration? Amazing!

Cat likely got in the bowl on it's own to take a nap, rude awakening to being decorated!

[Amateurinawe]

He was okay till the stock was added.....

[worth1]

I had a kitten that would sleep in the food bowl.
He used my underwear for a hammock while on the toilet.
I simply couldn't get rid of the thing he was with me every where I went.

[SpookyShoe]

I had a kitten that would sleep in the food bowl.
He used my underwear for a hammock while on the toilet.
I simply couldn't get rid of the thing he was with me every where I went.

Worth,

I can't unsee this...

[loulac]

Origin unknown, a French bakery I think.

[Amateurinawe]

@loulac "If I lie really still, someone's bound to smother me in garlic butter"

[worth1]

A person of color sent this to me.

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[Sue_CT]

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[Cornelius_Gotchberg]

An 80 year old man goes in for a check-up and the doctor, amazed at what good shape the guy was in, asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?".

The patient: "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, shootin' sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn."

The doctor: "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

The patient: "Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor: "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"

The patient: "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a biker too”

The doctor: "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad, how old was he when he died?

The patient: "Who said my grandpa's dead?"

The doctor: "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living? How old is he?"

The patient: "He's 117 years old”

The doctor, getting frustrated, said: "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?"

The patient: "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married”

The doctor: "Got married!! Good Lord!!! Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"

The patient: "Who said he WANTED to get married?"

The Gotch

[Amateurinawe]

@Cornelius_Gotchberg

[MissS]

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!

[Amateurinawe]

I feel bad for parents nowadays. You have to be able to explain the birds and the bees....The bees and the bees...The birds and the birds....The birds that used to be bees....The bees that used to be birds....The birds that look like bees....The bees and birds that are neither bees not birds but both....plus the bees that look like birds but still have a stinger.

[GoDawgs]

[worth1]

Folks from the south weed eat around their prize collectibles.

[GoDawgs]

Folks from the south weed eat around their prize collectibles.

Those would include the bone yard, consisting of old stuff that might come in handy some day for spare parts, making other things or headed to the scrap yard when enough is collected to make the trip worthwhile.

[Sue_CT]

This would work better in some areas of the country than others.

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[SpookyShoe]

Folks from the south weed eat around their prize collectibles.

Do you mean things like the rusted out washing machine from 1971, the pile of tires (you never know when you might get a flat) and the jacked up Chevelle that hasn't run in 30 years?

[worth1]

Folks from the south weed eat around their prize collectibles.

Do you mean things like the rusted out washing machine from 1971, the pile of tires (you never know when you might get a flat) and the jacked up Chevelle that hasn't run in 30 years?

Yep and all my scrap metal I use to make things.
My wife was flummoxed about all of it until one day she came home from work and saw a new BBQ grill I made from the stuff.
My steel saw horses I use come from collectibles.

My pressure canner tubes and weight guages came from bronze valve stems from OS&Y valves I scrounged from work.
Made on the lathe.
My hamburger patty molds came from scrap steel water pipe.
Fishing pole holders.
Etc etc etc.
Not to mention the exotic woods I used to make rolling pins for cooking.
Ten thread per inch adapter for wood lathe chuck.
Turned on the metal lathe.
Bronze hammer made from valve stem old pellet rifle barrel copper end cap and mesquite wood handle.
All made from collectibles.
Ya just can't have enough collectibles.

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